Hi! I’m Nick.

I was cleaning up my bathroom, and was rearranging my toiletries. Was curious, so I took sometime to read the back labels, this is what CLEAR Men's Activsport shampoo warns...

Loading mentions Retweet

I hardly dream when I sleep, but last night I did and it was sure weird. I walked out of what seemed to be an office building, onto the parking lot. If you've watched Scrubs, where Sacred Heart's backdoor opens up to a parking lot - this was the visual in my head, except it wasn't a hospital, it was an office building. Anyway, parked right outside was a Boeing which casted a large shadow onto the parking area, and me. When I walked out I was right next to the front tire of the plane - beneath the cockpit.

I needed to pee, and that was more important that figuring out why a plane was parked right outside; on a parking lot. Anyway, I mozied my way up to the plane looking to use the toilet. I walked from the front to the mid-section of plane only to realise that there were no seats on the plane - but many people around, and hospital staff.

I realised I was mozying my way on an unsually parked plane, with no seats, full of sick people, and hectic hospital staff; looking to empty my bladder. I held my breath (wtf? pandemic on the plane and I hold my breath), and retrace my steps back to the entrance from which I came in from.

I looked for another toilet.

Loading mentions Retweet

Hi! I'm Nick, and I'm some sort of a crazy person.

I don't know about you, but whenever I'm asked this question, I get stunned. Stunned, because the question is so spiralling-ly profound and multifaceted. Which strikes me as rather odd y'know; like when you're engaged in small talk with someone you just met, and all-of-the-sudden he strikes you with, "So, how's life?"

*boggle*

Firstly, who the flying fuck brings a question like that into small talk? And how can you suffix a question like that with a mere ‘So’, you patronizing bitch!

Sure, you can just be polite about it by saying; subconsciously saying, “It’s alright”; therefore, finding both parties consensually nodding understandingly, followed by a momentary moment of quiet awkwardness. Of course, being crazy isn’t easy, my internal monologue tells me to think this through, nay, thoroughly and give a proper sincere response. Ok, so I have to think about it.

Most possibly the most appropriate word that one could say is: fuck - and say it in a variety of ways one can;

“So, hows life?’

• “Fucked” (Translation: My life sucks nuts)
• “Fuck yeah!” (Translation: Want some weed?”)
• “Fuck” (Translation: I left the gas on back home)

When faced with this situation, I go through a series of processes in my head. First is to collect ‘source data’. I proceed to flashback to an earlier memory; shuffling through all the milestone events like a rollerdeck of cards. This flashback could be anywhere between 24 hours, and decades, depending on how close we are – because then my answer will be accurately sincere enough for me to live with myself when I give a response; otherwise, there will be an internal debate whether I should’ve used the word (example) ‘Great’ instead of ‘Good’ – who the fuck thinks like that? Seriously.

This source data is then sent to the department of reasoning, and comparision. This is where things gets fucked up. Chunk by chunk of the ‘source data’ is analysed or rehashed back. This brings in opinion, doubt, the benefit of the doubt, perception, morality, ethics, yadda yadda. Things get jammed here.

So in other words, if someone I recently met asks me; ‘How’s life?’ – I collect oh, perhaps 24 hours to a couple of days worth of source data. If someone I’ve known for a very long time asks me the same question, I begin to collect an insurmountable amount of source data - which takes me way too long to process – jamming me up. Thus, in both cases of recently met, and long time friends; more often than not I give the standard sincere response of...

“Oh, it’s alright.”

((This post is dedicated to my bro, Alfonso Mingo, who recently asked me how’s life. Bastard.))

Loading mentions Retweet

Today, I saw a girl whom I thought was pretty attractive, and interesting, so I went up to her and said hi. When the timing was right, I asked her out for a drink. She laughed and said I was too young. I'm 27, she's 21. FML.

Loading mentions Retweet

nickchhan: This is hilarious: how to get a girl.
Arsyan: fuckin funny man hahahahaha
nickchhan: Fark you go try man hahahha
Arsyan: haha, u nuts. 1st of all i cant grow a beard. 2nd of all im already tanned
nickchhan: lmao!! You didnt even consider the stabbing your body!!! You actually thought about it!!!
Arsyan: hahahahha and i dont want scards behind my back man
Arsyan: i can do the time travel logic explanation la
nickchhan: hahha dont lie on the bed, you burn the carpet, and your squat on one knee, with a hand on your face

Loading mentions Retweet

It was just one of those nights when you just left your office building, late at night – standing still for a minute to look around the beautiful night, sighing for the social life you just missed. This was me. I took a deep breath before continuing on my journey home, and walked pass this man in his mid 30’s, wearing a polo shirt, faded jeans, and slippers.

He got up with a smile on his face and passed me what I thought to be another multi-level marketing flyer. Instead I got his business card…

Loading mentions Retweet